NBA All-Star Weekend: Where Record Breaking Boobies Happen

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Boobie for three!

I was all set to post this right after the Rookie/Sophomore Game finished, but when I got to the WordPress login page there was a headline that caught my eye on the “Dashboard.” “Wolverine Movie Cometh” it read. Being a movie freak, and enjoying X-Men as much as the next young adult who grew up watching the cartoon/reading the comic, I followed the link to the article at a blog entitled Illseed. The post was brief, and it basically just chronicled the next installment of the X-Men series.

I decided to poke around the site a little, and I ended up finding something much more intriguing. The author had posted a riddle invented by Einstein. In the set-up, the author claims that the riddle is simple and straightforward but that Einstein stated 98% of people in the world wouldn’t be able to solve it. That hooked me right there, and I spent the next twenty minutes figuring it out. Click the link above to find the riddle, just be sure not to scroll down the page too far because the solution is in the comments.

Anyway, back to my original purpose of re-capping the Rookie/Sophomore Game. Below are my thoughts and observations, bulleted like they’re from Washington pre ’97.

  • The first thing I saw during the broadcast worth noting was, of course, a commercial. For a split second (that’s a weird phrase if you think about it, by the way) I thought Frank was impersonating George Foreman. Then I got it.(NOTE: I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to find that commercial on YouTube and watching lots of other Frank Caliendo impressions. These three videos are the best(1, 2, 3)—his Bill Walton kills me.)
  • You know the player-with-a-ball video that they used during player intros tonight? The ones that they use as background filler while the announcers talk about a player during intros or time-outs—there was one of Kevin Durant during the Rookie line-up breakdown and one of Brandon Roy for the Sophs? Those need to stop. They use them in regular games too, and they are excruciatingly awkward. The NBA player has to stand there while being filmed (in what I can only image is some random room with a green backdrop during the pre-season), not talk, not move side to side at all, and figure out something to do with a basketball for 40 seconds while not looking away from the camera. The only way that would be anything but awkward is if the player was David Harrison and he made a bong out of the ball and started smoking it. Otherwise, the player-with-a-ball video needs to go away.
  • Kevin Durant’s yellow shoes—awful. Pippen’s red sneakers back in 1994 were gaudy too, but he won MVP that year, so he was pardoned. Durant, not so much.
  • Having Ernie, Kenny, and Sir Charles do the Rookie Game was great. Kenny Smith really is an excellent color guy, and Charles just spent the entire game claiming he loved all the players’ games (save for Bargnani) It would be fun to hear them do a regular season game one day, or at least a pre-season one.
  • Speaking of Bargnani, does he realize he’s 7 feet tall? I saw him blow a dunk and then try a hanging reverse lay-up, which he of course missed badly. I blame Dirk.
  • You know the amphibious/ambidextrous joke? That needs to stop too. It hasn’t been funny to hear an ambidextrous person referred to as a land and water dwelling creature for the past five years, why keep pushing it? It seems like every basketball announcer keeps that cliché in the pocket, and it’s become annoying.
  • They just showed KG and LeBron sitting together. KG was doing his best Mr. Rogers impression tonight, but I liked it. Or maybe I’m just saying I liked it because I’m worried he’ll come to my house and eat my cat. Either way, good look KG.
  • Did you know the word “athletic” has four syllables? No? Well it does, Charles said so. Ath-uh-let-ic. That’s ah-may-za-za-zing, Chuck.
  • After watching most of the first half, I realized why Kevin Durant shoots the ball 95% of the time he touches it: he is awful at passing. Really bad. Shooting is his best option.
  • Okay, the so the game was so boring I have said next to nothing about it. Rather than continue with random observations, I will close with my list of players that impressed me and those that didn’t:

Impressive:

  1. Sean Williams — Guard skills? His handle is respectable, his touch is improving, and he is truly an athletic monster. He and Devin Harris will become quick friends.
  2. Mike Conley Jr.— The second most poised player on the court (behind Roy). Conley’s ball handling ability, court vision, and finishing skills really are far above average. I have no doubt he possesses the tools to be an All-Star one day.
  3. Jordan Farmar — I still find it hard to believe he’s the same person as the pudgy-faced, fro-rocking kid from UCLA. His game has exploded since he hit the L. He sees the entire court, he’s three times as athletic as in college, and he shoots and finishes like I never imagined he would. He’s one of the main reasons I’m a Lakers fan this year.
  4. Paul Millsap — He didn’t even have a great game. But his defense (talk about active hands, he stripped three players on their way up in the first half) and tenacity never fail to impress me.
  5. Daniel Gibson — Boobie didn’t do anything to impress me other than the fact that his shot just looked pure today. I mean, he still is a fairly one-dimensional player: catch, shoot, repeat. But when the results are as pretty as 11-20 from three, who cares? And did you see how he gave LeBron props about 5 times during the half-time and post-game interview? That is why he will be a Cavalier next year and Damon Jones won’t. Don’t bite the hand that feeds Damon… and cut your damn mo-hawk, while we’re at it.

Unimpressive:

  1. Juan Carlos Navarro — In the first half there were two successive trips down the court where you simply lost the handle of the ball. Unguarded. In the second half you got selfish and stopped passing. You’re little, foreign-player cocky, and 27 years old while playing in the Rookie Game. Go away.
  2. Jeff Green — Al Thornton anyone?
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One Response to “NBA All-Star Weekend: Where Record Breaking Boobies Happen”

  1. Amie Says:

    I blame Dirk too, although I’m pretty sure we’re not talking about the same game.

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